You're my it.

You've not even left, and i'm missing you,

what more when you leave?

"Wish you ddint have to.."

To be where i am..

:) Sometime, i think you know what i'm talking about, but you just act like you don't care. I mean, why is your ego so freaking big lol. Just accept it like, gosh! Okay, so i am here to tell myself that i got to do  certain things, for my sake, and.. theirs. So its me daddy's birthday today, and i got him a pretty card. :) it said, "little girls love their daddies, even when they're all grown up.." :) Heh. Yeahh, i do. Oh god, why am i so bored. Just wish i had a car, and a bag full of money to run free and do what i want to.. :( *sniffsniff* Christmas is around the corner and i just want to get the best of it before they leave, and before i finally decide what is the right thing to do.. for me, and the people around me. I never thought making a decision would be so hard. I don't wanna leave the country but, i think i want to, so i can be alone for awhile.. I don't wanna influence the ones around me to do the same as i. And, sometimes, its nicer to miss then actually, have it.. and soon get bored of it. Get what i mean? : / Life itself is weird. Cause, school was supposed to be hard, but this.. it beyond what most of us had imagined. Maybe its time..
love.

What are words if you really don't mean them when you say it..

So they say..

..now what?

...do i really need to consider this to make my decision..

Here i am, once again..

Trust. 

Hey bloggy. Okay, so i have accounts paper tomorrow. :( And Literature. With all this in my head, i have another worry. What is it that i don't understand. Never blogged for a long time and this is going to be one hell of a sad post. Letting go is one thing. But giving a second chance takes a lot of courage. And in this case, i guess i did. And i know why i did that. But now, i'm feeling things i'm not supposed to be. But then again, i asked for this.. And i should let it be, and give it a chance. If you didn't know, its something hard to accept. But i'm facing it because i think we share mutual feelings. I want you to know that its going to take me some time to adapt this situation. Cause, i don't know what my reaction should be. I want to trust you but you didn't leave me with a choice. :( I'm trying as much as you are to make it work, to make this feeling go away. Just that, i feel that, in someway, you'd be doing something behind my back.. and i'll never find out. Trust. I had it, now i don't know how to gain it.. I'm not making things worse. But, what the hell, you already know how i feel. And i know you're working for it too. So we'll see where it goes.. Asking for someone to trust you is hard, but doing something that will make them trust you is the way to gain someone's trust. And i know that you're doing what you should be. I want all the things you said you wanted from her. I'm standing exactly where you stood with her.. maybe now you'd know how i feel. Like you said, trust is like a paper, once its crumpled, it takes a long process to fix its shape..

P.s: You should know how much i love you, cause i'm letting myself go through this shit. : / Ily. 

Welcome to my life..

Its something i need to know. What the fuck do you want from me? I mean, live your own life. Stop ruining mine. I know what i do, and i don't need you to be the judge of it. If i am your fucking problem, come to my face, and tell me off.. and i will give you a peice of my mind too. Life is something you make it, if its not yours, then back off. I will live mine the way i want to, but sadly, at this point, i guess i will need to count your says in too. In future, i wont be there to listen to your crap. To say this, i really think that you've got the best of me. I think by doing this, you just hurting him even more. Yeah, he might hate me for writing this, but really, think. If it wasnt for me, he'd be far gone doing something that, - is doing. I happened to him for a reason, and if you think its for the worse, then im sorry for not giving you the best inpression cause you never let me. I did what i could, but you didnt play your part. I'm sorry if you feel like i took him away from you, but wake up, i'm 17.. the most i can do is talk to him behind your back. I tried, now im giving up. I've heard the same dialougue far too many times. I'll give you what you want. And you'll see for yourself.

P.s: Ireallyloveyou.

After a long, sad, rainy day. :)

Yo, blog. Well, its not new to see me here only when i'm dying of too many questions in my head. Well, like when people want things, and they really want to have it, they do everything under the sun to get it. When they have it, they love it and learn to love it even more.. : ) when you really love something, and when you can't have it, you learn to let go. In many situations, i have. But in this case, its not an issue, but i wont let go. Even if it does hurt me, i will strive to make it happen. Its the best thing that has happened to me and out of my stupid curiosity, i'm making it hard for myself to live with it. Like they say, when you know the outcome is bad, don't go looking for it, cause eventually it will hunt you down instead. Love in this case, can't be measured.. Mine too. :) Ily.

:(

Ask me, "Why the sad face?". How'd i ever tell you?

i wanna say this..

imsorrybaby

i know its hard to say, but i want to, and at this point, i cant.. i love you.

Big sad face..

Maybe my future, i'll have stories to tell..

♥ My heart is so jet lag ♥

There's nothing i can do.. :(

It's HIS DREAM. Let him have it, gosh! :(

We're gonna fight!

:)

                              

Haha, i tried, and i think its making things better.. I can't please everyone. I mean, i go by my own rules too you know. I think listening to myself is safer now. Hmm, yes, I'm back lol. :) I'm just going crazy, blogging makes me feel good. :) Heh. Forever. Does it really exist? I really do wanna know.. I believe in so many things that are unusual, but this.. its different ya' know? : / Bleh. So whatever.

Distance isn't keeping us apart.. i think its something else. I'm scared, no doubt..

Ily.

Kan mungkin bila nanti, kita 'kan bertemu lagi..

Whyy?

Why am i afraid? :(
I dont know how not to! eeeeeeee. :( why are you such an ass? Sometimes i really wonder if you know who i am to you? like hello? That sometimes, i feel like junk. Literally like junk. -_- Stop thinking beyond the 6 walls around you. Get out if it. Like, really, get out. Stop being an ass!! For crying out loud. :'( so annoyed.. i need a wall that wont hurt me everytime i hit it. Grrr. Haih. So yeah.. had a good time watching some weird dance.. performance and all. Now im home, dreanched in sweat. Bleeh. Gonna go shower and sleep. And tomorrow.. haih. I've got a long day ahead.

P.s: Sometimes it means you're strong enough to just let go..

imissyousomuch.

Sucks to be you right now. :/

Its funny how you dont care.. i think you dont. If you think that just because im the insecure type, you have all the rights to take advantage of it, bull the shit. GO and DIE. And you, if my intentions were to steal __ away, i would have done that long ago, but wake up __, it happened, and just deal with the fact. Nothing is going to change and you trying to change this will not just ruin the life of the one you love, but also this big hu-ha you're worried about. So wake the HELL up. :) I still do respect you. :) loves.

P.s: i wish somehow, you'll show me that you really do care about this. ily.

Noo..

Stop it! OMG. Can't you tell? :'(
You're hurting mee.. and my lips are glued together. I can't tell you. Try and understand.. pleasee..

Just a little... urgh.

Heyloo. Im going to be here quite often. Heh. Anywho. I had tuition.. and.. err, ehm. :) Yeah. Fun day.. really.. I gotta get the "imscared" thing on. I feel like im not doing anythingg. Eventhough i do.. but still.. owhkay. Sometimes, you gotta give and take.. Make things a little easier to handlee. And sometimes, know who you are, when you're about to say something, or react to something. It's very funny how sometimes, when its really obvious, you dont get it. Then, no one can really help you. If you really think you're all that, then go ahead, be the way you are, cause honestly, you're going to regret, big time. Haih..  Cause you're designed that way. In this world, this year, if you're a nice person, you'll be trashed. Trust me. Being someone who you wanna be isn't wrong, but in situations, improv. I'm not being indirect, if you know who you are, yes. Good that you know. You have to know. Atleast from me, cause i feel like i have the rights to let you know.. I feel like i know people.. and i need to let you know. But the fear that you might judge me, kills. But i know i will have to eventually. I will. :) Love.. I can't stay mad at you.. and when i do, i hurt. I'm sure you knoww. I'd keep you forever if i could. Hope ya're alright.. i realise that when you do stuff for me, you put your life in danger. (gettingshotbythearmyman) Heh. :S Scares me.. I'm making a vow. That i will never, ever, ever let you do that, ever again. :( Seeing you, the way i saw you, really stabbed me. :'( Sorry. I'm waiting for details.. Heartyou.

P.s: It's what you make it, not what you get out of it.
Iloveyouokay.

ikeepmissingyouu..

Hee. Im back. I dont know where i left my diaryy, so im here. :) Today was such a tiring yet, memorable day. ;) Had back to back tuition from one to nine. Toture.. Whats worse is that i had to wake up at 6.30 AM to go to the temple, at 9. -_- Then there i was, at tuition. But this time, it was better cause i was beside you. :) I really missed you. One week okay. :( Sucked like crap. Anyway.. we were at secret recipe earlier, to cut a cake for deb. :) Happy Birthday Pretty! :) Moving on..  The best part was when i got this little gift thing coming out of your wallet.. i thought it was a necklace, honestly, cause i remember saying that i wanted one with your initials... but no, i never expected you to get it for mee. But you know what was better? ;( He actually got us a pair of ring. One with my name, and the other with his, carved on it. :'( So sweett.. if we didnt have company, i would have just jump to give you a hug.. :( Butyeahh.. :( I love it. I love you. You didnt have to.. but.. :) Haih. You're the best. Its silver too. :') heee.

"Baby you're the best i'll ever have" 

♥

P.s. I love you

Living out our dreams. ♥

Hello. Yes, i keep saying i dont wanna blog, i but end up here anyway.. So well, i was watching this hindi moviee. Its really cool. Its about this couples and they're love life.. as usual, then this is the best part. The best day of their life just turns tragic.. its really sad that he has to see her get knocked down. And he's all emo.. bla bla. Anyway.. the reason why im blogging about this movie is because, his friend, or somethingg.. like that. He's a professor and he creates this time machine thing-a-magic. So it actually bring this guy back to his dead girlfriend. As much as it sounds stupidly impossiblee.. its soo nice if it was real LOL. Life would be sooo easy. :( Hump. And the stupid of mine has to stay over at the hospital tonight, so no calls. Oh well.. hmm.. : /  And, we're having KFC again. Im so sick of it. SICK - OF - IT. :( Ish nyee.. Imissyouidiot. Its been a week. <3 And there's tuition tomorrow. And, im grounded. So i can't go out before or after that. Sucks soo bad. Hmm, so i shall be a good girl. :) Goodnight.

"Talking to the moon"

imy :(

You wont let me make it right.. ♥

Here i am, once again..

Hello blogg. :D Well, as you see, im here, once again. Well, after a long time, i've decided to get tumblr, after making one and losing it.. imma make another. :) Well, today, im feeling utterly depressed. I dont know why. Yes, weird. I get that. But yeahh.. Stupid mood swings, suckar. I cant really express how i feel, but this is the only place i can TRY to.

♥ I want you to understand. ♥

Heeee

I'm literally planning to HIT my BOOK! :( I can't take it anymoreeee. :) Okay bye. 

SIGH

I really wonder what this is..

are you really that blind. :(

Im Coming Home.

I know my kingdom awaits, and they've forgiven my mistakes..

These little angels. :) I love you guys to the max. I mean, it was so unexpected and it really shocked the living soul out of me. And, yes. I love you all no matter what. Surprise or no surprise. I love you all! Hee. Okayy, and now i confused. I don't know if i should or not. I mean, i don't know if i want to but i think i do.. Gosh this is so hard. I wish you were here.. I miss you. Screw you. Does wishing help? Cause i really wish i had another chance.. to tell you how i really felt at that moment. But then, a mistake is a mistake isn't it? There is no second chance. But i wont stop believing. Time makes a difference. It's possible to forget those little moments, but i wont forget the way you made me feel.. i swear. The feeling of being talk about, freaks me out. Butterfliess.. :( Scared. But its you that i'd still pick. Don't blame me.. I bet you know me well enough.

Well, that was a big shock.

Well, first and fore most, the world isn't going to end just like that. :( I mean, yeah.. i think it will... *touch wood*, watching all this disaster.. It's scar. I'm just seventeen.. Haha.. Really. Gosh. It's like a nightmare. I really wanna kill that guy who predicted this 2012. Damn you la. And, well if at all it were to end.. what can we do right? It's fate. I really hope this thing ends soon.. it is really painful to see all those people dying. The video, freaked every vein in my body. The water level.. the boat. The Road-Crack!! That was like watching the movie all over again. *screams* D: I don't want it to end. Oh dear earth, please forgive the fools that keep doing crap after crap to hurt you. They'll all be buried in the drain I'm sure. :) I love you. Hee. <3

:)

But when the heart breaks, baby don't breakeven..

Herro *waves*

I'M SO SCARED!

March..

We would end up here the way we are..

They say everything happens for a reason, but i really don't know why this happened. It's like trying to fight with your own feeling. I really feel like a  hypocrite within myself. Now, that's a feeling you wont come across everyday of your life. But i'm very sure that you and only you can understand me in. I'm glad to say that you're it. I still do wish that i didn't have the power to decide it myself, cause that way, i wont regret what i did.. and it'll all come down to me, myself and i. Maybe it's true, it is really a lonely world when it comes to making your stand. On a stage, one spotlight, all eyes on you. What a rush. Life. 

P.s: Me and my imaginary friend.  

Waiting outside the line...

You’ll never enjoy your life,

Living inside the box,

You’re so afraid of taking chances,

How you gonna reach the top?

<3 Loves.

In the mids of Chemisty. (:

SCHOOL.

So not ready. :(

Then this thing turned so evil.

Talking about feelings.. I read this book. Life as Pi. I think thats the name lol. It's such a nice book. Its about fighting to get something that you want. Something..your dream. Being able to reach to the top. Yeah, inspired  me. (: Draww. I needa blog some pictures of me drawings. Hey, i hope you're not mad at me. Well, for you know, being rude to you. :/ Dont ignore me kay? Feelingss. Well, honestly, i dont know how to feel. Feeling bad? Sorry? Pity? Honestly, i miss you. But you will never understand that. :( So yeah, i should stop all this Feelings crap, and move on to wating to become who i wanna be. >:) Heh-he. I wont tell youh. I dont know what im writing. So yeah. Blurr. It's 12.40 LOL. Like seriously. I feel like im being forced to blog. D: Bad. I wanna go on stage, scream.. wait, sing my lungs out. I really want to. Show'em what i've got lol. Screams.. HAHA. Okay. I should go. --

Im not gone, yet. (:

But I can't fight these butterflies.

All about me me me me me..

Heeeeeee.
So in ze mood. Well, just got home from ISKL's awesome play. These people are really really talented! :O Like seriously. Oh, i have to blog about this. SEWO. Like WOW. This was so unexpected. I mean, to me ofcourse. I entered the gallery, *jaw drops* Oo Such a big croud. Then, it reminded me of BandConcert. Stress. HAHA, keeding. --  : / *click* Moving on. Yeah you, think your english so good ah? Well yeah, it is. But still? People ask to help you can't help then can complain somemore. == Bully. Just walk away okayy. :) Suddenly i've got some regrets. Of not being able to join certain things that now i realise which i'm good at. Too late? Maybe not. 7 more months. I'm really going to miss school. I'd really like to stop time for awhile.. Just for a bit, to clarify things.. make some changes.. Anyone with a time machine? x) Haha. I got my TOUCH back. I can draw, like how i used to. So happy, can't explain how i feel. Drama. I want in, but theres this little person in me saying, NO NO NO. YOU'RE AFRAID OF CROWDS. D: Whyy. So annoying la you person. How i wish you were a book. Haha.

I have got to make some changes.

Loves.

Like..

SIGH

What happened to Miracles?

I guess it's just fairytale. I mean, why you try so hard and everything just falls apart, you keep wishing so hard that you never had done it on the first place. But then again, you'll realize that it actually happened for a reason. Am i that heartless? Haha, for trying not to break peoples heart, i truly am the most heartless person, i know. Then again, this is not a life if there's not falling and breaking. But i wanted to play it safe. Sorry to the rest of the world that some people think that if you dont have an enemy, you are a person with no character at all.. but when you're a bitch hating on everything, you've got a character. A character that everyone will look up to. That's when i come by and say, "hey, congrats! Someday i'll be you thanks to what you've done to me." Gosh, i'm darn right serious when i say that im so sick and tired of all this shit. OMG, so freaking annoyed. And you, you really think im that blind? You stand infront of my bloody face and talk about something that you don't want me to know. Think a little please? You can do addmaths, why not this? Omg, i can't believe this. I'm actually listening to your bull shit. Sigh. And you, can you please pray for yourself and not bless people? You really need some blessing. You and your confused world. So yeah, god bless YOU! You will need it more then me. You may be smarter and whatsoever you think you are, i will meet you in future. Then maybe you can laugh at what you are now, then. And, im good now. God bless you who created blog. Lol. *bows* I'm going to school tomorrow. SATURDAY. Yeah. More Blah-jar, less Merepek. .-.
             "And who do you think you are
             Running 'round leaving scars.. "

 

P.s: I never missed a day i spent with that girl, only regret the 3 months i spent with a manipulative soul. 

Loves. 

Poke.

You are such a confused soul, you know that?
I can't help you, cause it's your lost. SO go figure.

HEDGHOG.

Meet Baby Sonic the Hedgehog. =D
We just got it today. The fella is soo adorable. And pricky at the same time. :S Haha. Gotta learn how to take care of this baby. Eeee. It's sleeping in my room. Hope Forest doesn't mind. I love you more Forest. Don't merajuk. <3

Oh so sleepy. Bye bloggers. :)

Loves.

Of chocolates and candies.. (=

Well, first of all, thank you Chiyan for the awesome blog skills. It's SWEET. I love it. Hee. x) And back to the situation. It's valentines dayy. Well, i've a date.. *eyebrows* I wont tell you who. Ehehe. I'm going on a date now. Im waiting for my mum to finish making her self look pretty..to send me there. Aiyoo. So, well, seemingly everyone is gone out. My sisters gone to stuff her tummy with food with her boyfriend. And, later she is going to hit a club. I wanna do that too. But boohoo. underage. Ish. Well who cares when you have an awesome date to make your day awesomer? xD No one. Now, im still waiting for the mother. I can't wait. School was so good today. Especially today. (: I got myself a cupycake. And then clare gave me one. Haha. I spent the morning of valentines with my awesome buddies. You guys rock. xD From the bibir jokes to ferrero rocher. It was sweet! =) Then later went for lunch over at kopi oh with another awesome. shytong. Eeek. It was fun.. tho we spent time just staring at eachother half the time.. it was a good moment LOL. x) Then home sweet home. My loving valentine Forest. (: True love. Love you baby dog. Then now.. im still waiting.. OMG, i'm going to get killed. Gotta go nag the mother now. Okays, byeee. Have fun ya'll.
Spread the LOVE. <3

Maybe It's Just My Imagination...

Of Laughter and boredom.

TEEHEE
Today was a Good Day. =) Random, but a day i wont forget. Went out with a friend..Had so much fun. Haha, i can play pool. Like who knew? x) I hate you white ball. Magic. Like dude.. you are soo COOL. Imma learn those tricks. =) heh.
FUNNNYY!

• It was soo random. I got this Furry pillow. I was soo moody, dont know why, but suddenly and i demanded for the pillow and i GOT IT. Like really really got it. Eeek, its so friggin' furryy! :O Imma sleep with it. x) Hee. Pillowpillowpillow! =)
• Got home, sat right infront of the tv. So yeah, Forest brought the toydoll that she usually plays with. And yeah, i took it. I flinged it soo hard that i forgot my phone was in my hands and the phone flew with it. Here comes the bad luck, the stupid phone had to hit my dad's head. OMG, i was like, SHOCKED. like hello. that fat hell of a phone just hit his head like a boomerang. It sounded like someone threw a rock at some wall.GOSH that was soo scarry, yet FREAKING FUNNY! *sorry paa* HAHA. SORRY! i didnt mean it. :(.. xD
• OMG la.. then we went to have dinner. Okay, so this chinese restaurant la. ( like always ) it was so packed. Even on a public holiday.. :D FUN FUN FUN!
• Back HOME. DIE.
• IM NOT SLEEPY!

Woahhh, like a freaking karangan. PHAIL. :D heeeeee. Byee bloggy. Too sleepy.. I've got a big day tomorrow. :) See yah, Loves.
P.s: I don't wanna feel this way.. don't get me wrong.

The Memories..

I like you, then i hate you. <3

Haha, Psycho. I really am. I don't know why but it's you. YOU. Ish. Eh, sister, i dont like him okay. I just..well.. I dont know. :)Andd, I DONT LIKE HIM, and that's that. He's just nice.. sweet..And a jerk at times. ahha.. i should stop. :D
   Well, i've got my hols planned well, i should say. I can't wait to come there! I miss TJ. Eeek. Will be there. I've got tons of stories to tell. We're so GOING shopping, to the movies.. and MORE. Hehe. Mummy is leaving to India. :O Hehe, more freedom. Love love. Oh gosh, im so darn sleepy.. I really wanna make a change. For alot of things. You, Her, Him.. us. Everything. I hope i get the chance to. Might.
   Hey, you! I'm glad you answered. I mean, i was so worried. Thank you. But there's still one more thing that im quite confused about. Well, i will talk to you soon. But yeah, i hope its not what i'm thinking it is. I know you wont do that. (: I trust you. <3
   Andd.. MAEYIN. HAHA. You owe me somthing. HEHE. Yeah you. (: i wanna know what it is you wanna tell me okay! AND, that something you wanna buy for me. You dont LIE ah. I beat you. :P Haha. Keeding. I want ang pau.
   To all the Cina People i know. I love you all! :D Happy Chinese New Year! <3

P.s:It's not new, but i miss you. The feeling is such a bitch. :( Haihh.

*waves*

Hello!
Couldn't go TUITION! Gahh. So annoyed. Hmm, well.. Life has been quite good. Beside the fact i had to leave somethings behind. :O Oh well.. If i'd ever go back, then i might pick it up. Might. :D SPM. Ish, the words, S, P, and M just don't go well together. >:( Before i forget, Thank you Mae! :D For the pretty blog skin. :D hee. I <3 it. *bows*
        On the other hand, brain lagg with too many things to think about. I mean, unless you're brainless, then you probably wont have the ability and time to think of and about things. *ding* Just as i thought. Liess. I hate em. Let me see how far these things can go. Break your face. This is my way of saying GOOD LUCK. :D hehe. Back to reality. Emm, concerto. :D Ahh, can't wait. Soo many songs.. so many things to do.. so LITTLE time! :S I need inspiration. Like now! :] Imma go draw. I miss you book.

Loves. =)
P.s: If having half the world "love" you is a good thing, then you can keep up the "good" work. ") (you were supposed to read it.)