What's the point.

I am not worth your fight. So i will not stand in your way, any more. Last post, for the year, and all the years to come. Good bye bloggy. I'll miss you.

What happens next?

 

Cause there is no guarantee, that this love is easy. 

It chokes.

Wanting to say, and not wanting to say. It's the hardest thing to be put through. But when you can't speak up to both the best thing you have in life, then you're just lonely. Why really, why?

Hearing those words, it makes me weak.

What is your purpose? 

At some point in life, things will change. What is eternity? What does forever mean?

We are one of those few who used to believe in fairy tales and now we barely believe in dreams. It's a mind blowing change. You probably wont believe it happened to you. But sometimes in life, you just wish you had that one chance to change it all, and make it better. Not having to sit there, and wonder why it went the way it did. Knowing yourself is hard, now think about knowing someone. Married couples, best friends of years, siblings, do they really know each other? Or do we just pretend that we know each other well so we can cut the chase and come to where they believe that we're inseparable? Does forever really exist? Cause we all believed in it once, are we fools? Maybe we're the believers. 

Times when you just want to let the phone ring so you wont have to put up another "i'm strong" act to convince someone that you're perfectly alright. But then again, the fear that, that call might have been something important and you just put your guard down, take the call, and feel worse cause your pain was barely noticeable. Then you think about making it stand out. Cut your hand, let it bleed. They all come running. But your heart has been bleeding, day and night, but no one notices or even cares. They like what they see on the outside. Beauty, for an instance. Has anyone ever loved someone just for what they are made of, really who?

I just want to be alone tonight, i just want to take a little breather. Cause lately all we do is fight, and every time it cuts me deeper. Cause something's changed you've been acting so strange and its taking a toll on me.. -Hinder

P.s: This isn't a sad post.

What's the point anyway?

Driven by motivations and dropping in the "don't care" zone. I'm out. 

There are much bigger things in life that needs a change and some of what run through your mind isn't close to what it is. Dream big, achieve it, and don't let anyone take you for granted. Being strong by heart, bulletproof shield. 

Ain't nobody got time for that! 

Sometimes, lonely is not sad. 

Where did my soul go?

"You are stronger than you realize.
You are cruel-er than you realize.
The smallest words will break your heart.
You will change. You’re not the same person you were three years ago.You’re not even the same person you were three minutes ago and that’s okay. Especially if you don’t like the person you were three minutes ago.
People come and go. Some are cigarette breaks, others are forest fires.
You won’t like your name until you hear someone say it in their sleep.
You’ll forget your email password but ten years from now you’ll still remember the number of steps up to his flat.
You don’t have to open the curtains if you don’t want to.
Never stop yourself text-ing someone. If you love them at 4 a.m., tell them. If you still love them at 9.30 a.m., tell them again.
Make sure you have a safe place. Whether it’s the kitchen floor or the Travel section of a bookshop, just make sure you have a safe place.
You will be scared of all kinds of things, of spiders and clowns and eating alone, but your biggest fear will be that people will see you the way you see yourself.
Sometimes, looking at someone will be like looking into the sun. Sometimes someone will look at you like you are the sun. Wait for it.
You will learn how to sleep alone, how to avoid the cold corners but still fill a bed.
Always be friends with the broken people. They know how to survive.
You can love someone and hate them, all at once. You can miss them so much you ache but still ignore your phone when they call.
You are good at something, whether it’s making someone laugh or remembering their birthday. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that these things don’t matter.
You will always be hungry for love. Always. Even when someone is asleep next to you you’ll envy the pillow touching their cheek and the sheet hiding their skin.
Loneliness is nothing to do with how many people are around you but how many of them understand you.
People say I love you all the time. Even when they say, ‘Why didn’t you call me back?’ or ‘He’s an asshole.’ Make sure you’re listening.
You will be okay.
You will be okay."

Every cloud has a silver lining.

So i guess you made it to the end to your part of this chapter. The memories of what we used to call, "endless" is now ending, with a little twist. How did such a tall tree of hope come crashing down? All that life gave you were chances that you could have taken, to mend and fix things no one could have. But you chose your ending, and this is where it is. Goodbye to the memories. 

Where did our silver lining go?

The present, scars. The future, warns?

When you have the crowd that you've always wanted; when you feel like every small detail they appreciate; when they actually care; when you're not the outsider anymore.. is exactly when you feel lonelier than you've ever did before. 

Why is it that your mind, can make you feel so good, yet so terrible at the same time? The past, haunts. "Tears are words that need to be written," he said. 

Why am i so unhappy? Just, why do i feel this way? 

You can only feel as if someone just needs to pull strings from above, and your mood just swings from one pole to another, when all you that you've tried is ways to give yourself a centimeter length smile.. which ends up being much more worth it than nothing at all. Needing space, when all that you've gotten all these while were that empty spaces.

..break it, it was never perfect anyway.

I'm not crazy, am I?

I'm not crazy! 

Maybe i've just gone too far, too soon. Hoped for just a little too much that i should have. Wished on a star that never made a comeback. Trusted my instinct, which ended up being my thoughts all along. Where did i go wrong? Just one day, one day where i don't need to feel anything at all.. Just one day.. 

Sigh.

Oh little owl, how i wish you were real.. But, i promise.

Physically fit, mentally dead.

I'm on the edge. 

Brain dead. 

I wonder how that feels.  

Pushed to the limit after fighting a war. You've walked a thousand mile to reach to where you're at, and a thousand more depends on your mental state. Negativity. Emotional breakdown. All that you do, everything you try, just keeps pushing you back, and back to where you started. We've come too far. It hits you right at the middle, where you feel the most, where you keep the most, where you've shield the most. When you feel like you've made a huge mistake and no matter how much you try, it's never going to be okay. Maybe it will be okay. Who knows. It's a never ending journey, unless you forcefully end it. 

Do you want to build a snowman?

What about now? 

When the fear kicks in, you really have no choice. 

She really got used to having that little piece of paper with her at every time. Maybe it wasn't just the time to let it go. Never having something and wanting it is far more different that having something and letting it go. It's a harder choice, or no choice at all? "I lost myself," she said.. When will you find her? 

P.s: You'd be killing me in the most painful way, if you left. 

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive.

If you didn't do what you wish you had done, Previta, or if you did do what you wish you hadn't, may I suggest that back then you were simply acting on instinct, and that it served you well?

Particularly knowing as I know, how else things could have gone and how well you've done for yourself.

Oh yeah, Previta, you done good.

Tallyho,
    The Universe

Stab me across my heart, and tell me it's over.

It's much better this way. I'd rather listen to this painful pray while things fade off slowly than be put through a room, reminding me of the things i wish i did right, i wish i didn't do, i wish i wasn't a part of. I'm trying, i can't wait to let go.. the taste of end seems so much better than fighting this war.. I can't open my eyes to look out and find my reasons. I can't be strong. 

She wants to go home, but nobody's home, it's where she lies, broken inside. 

She can't fight this anymore. She gave it up, you win.

Haha-hah!

What is it like to inspire?

Inspire and to be inspired. 

A big difference on just one letter. 

So, it's a new year. Then comes resolutions. Before the day ends, goodbye 2013, hello 2014. I hope you're going to treat us right, tho 13 ended pretty well, he didn't leave us much nice things to remember. I love you, no doubt, but we need to move on. 

Having said so little about the year, all that lingers in my thoughts are how did i get myself into another year, feeling so young, yet old. Education? Or being broke? Which stands on the lighter end.. I have no clue, leaving behind how much that could ruin the "new year feel" i should move on to why i got here. 

What is it like to inspire someone? How does it feel? 

Art. Am i granting your wish this time?

"I'd like peace on earth, please -" 

Wishing that i could give you that, i will try.. so much that it might even be some part of what i'm trying to convey through my inspirations. How does it feel again?

“Are we to paint what’s on the face, what’s inside the face, or what’s behind it?” ~Picasso