Happy Birthday, Me!

Why do i do this to myself?
Haha, most of us do. :) Happy Birthday, Me. It's been sometime, since i took the time to know who i really am. And i think i'm still finding this person.. Hopes and dreams. I will fulfill them. My love for art, music, and love, will never die. Living in this planet where people cheat, kill, betray, i'm sick of the feeling. Wanting to be needed, and loved. Why? Just because it was once what i wanted?
No more surprises, no more parties. :) Who knew, that something like this would happen. Mood-less? Maybe.
When did you become so caring? When did you ever wanted me to be safe? Why now? I thought this ended last year, when we decided to walk out on eachother. Why now? You make me feel weak.. you really do. I never thought it would be this hard to even think of the odds of talking to you. And here i am, thinking about you. Wishing we had never made those promises, and set those dreams. Cause right now, thinking about it kills me more than ever. Miss you? I missed you, once. Anyways, i'm glad we have something to say we are friends. That, i'm glad.

Wish list? :p More to achievements. 

1. London, School of Arts and Design.
2. Canon 5D Mark II
3. A photography page, set up. 
4. A Soprano Saxophone, Yanagisawa?
5. Drivers licence -__-
6. A car! 
7. 100 different colored Sharpies. :) 
8. A human sized Cookie Monster?
9. A nice watch, that fits my wrist perfectly.
10. A gold necklace, super thin, gold. 

That's the best i can think of.. :) 

March? Why?

I wish this month never existed. I really do wish. I thought that was the worst, but here i am, again hoping that i wished for something better on my last birthday to have something a bit more worth while now. I wish i was strong enough to face all these at once. But i'm not. Have some mercy on me, what did i do wrong? What did we do wrong? All the people who left the rest broken are living happily and we, the ones who took the courtesy to make sure everyone feels right, are the ones left behind, pain, torture, misery. Mistakes, and i wish i didn't fall into this.

You know the feeling when you are so broken, that you don't know if its feelings, or the fact that you have no feelings anymore? Yeah, that. 

Tell me why? You're so hard to forget.

       Memories, supposed to fade.. what's wrong with my heart, shake it off, let it go.. i didn't think it'll be this hard.. should be strong, moving on.. But i see you sometimes i try to hide, what i feel inside and i turn.. around.. you're with her now.. I just can't figure this out.

I won't forget you.

“Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting.” 

  Crazy blogger on board. Speechless? People come, and go. And some make the effort to stay, and you did. I really do appreciate that. After all that you've gone through, be it real or not, you still went through so much to have even said it, the way you did.. I know you're hurt, and that was something i never wanted. But words fail me, when i really want to say the right things. You and i, are two different world, for now. And when i said it wont work out, i had a reason. We've spoken so many things, in this little time we shared. And i'm glad you said all the things you wanted to. I truly know the feeling of being on the other end, and i will never make you feel the way i did. I tend to make best friends through situations like this.. like they say, "you avoid the ones who love you, and love the ones who avoid you." I am guessing i'm that person now. Don't hurt, please. I am trying all i can to please you, if not for me, its you. I know I've said things i wish i could take back now, but that doesn't change the way i feel for you, ever. Thanks for listening to me, the way i do to you.. people keep asking me if you and i have something for each other. That's not how it is. I like the way you think, and i'm sure you'll somehow somewhere find the one that will be the girl you described to me. You  deserve better, better than me. I don't mean to lead you on when we hang. Remember how you said you're always alone and you never had anyone to talk to, that's why. You're a really good friend, more like family. And i will treasure you forever, i promise. 

P.s.: I never intentionally wanted to give you the wrong idea. I know the pain, and over my dead body i would make someone feel the way i did. 

The pain chocks.

Being invisible would be the best feeling right now. I'm broken. Torn apart. And of all the times to have felt this, it's on my birthday month? I'm sorry.. I shouldn't complain too much, but this is the only place I'm left with to pour the miseries out. You ruined me, and now you're happy? It's chocking me, to see you like this. To know that I was once so madly in love with you, but all I am now, is a used item. I'm sure you'll love no one like her, remember the dialogue. And yes, I'm being unfair. Know why? Cause it's you! You ruined it all for me, and now you're happy? Sure.

Sometimes I wish I was mentally stronger. 

P.s.: Mr. All smiles, I wish I had you.. The pain wouldn't hurt much.