Just wash it off.

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason i have trust issues. 

How many times do you want to tell the world your problem? I mean, okay, you need to talk, so? Done, get over it. The point of "wanting to talk to someone", is so you can get the burden off. But telling one after another? It's not the pain that's bothering you, its just that you're wanting to show the world how much, you so called "don't care" about the thing you're always complaining about, so people can go, "aww, what a pity". Get a grip, seriously. You complain about the world, and how they are so off their track, and careless about things, have you ever wondered what you're like? Have you ever wondered what if you were treated they way you treat them? Obviously you'd deny it. Because you're so driven into this whole "nice person" act, you can't even see past your own makeup. Say all you want. Threaten me all you can. Cause to you, i'm just messed up. List down all the people you've bitched about, and cursed with anger. Not one would stand beyond the line. WASH THE DAMN MAKEUP OFF YOUR FACE. You're not going to get anything out of being this person you are now. Your lies, are all out in front. Your backstabbing words are shining bright. Things that you thought i didn't know, i know them now. I made a big mistake, believing that this would never come up. It only never came up because i never made a big deal out of it. You make scenes like you're in a movie. Why did you have to become this, this thing. It's such a pity. From who they thought you we're and to who you are becoming. It's too late, i mean it. I gave up, on trying to get people to stick to who they are, and i'm especially tired of going through this shit over and over again with you. I respect you, and your decisions. So go on, make use of someone else, i quit. I'll get used to it.

This is it. It's just that.

I promised i wont be the one. I promised we'll work things out. I promised.. I'm sorry. It hurts, and it stings. But i know that you are the only one that i can feel this way for, ever. I've become so numb. Through your lies, and words. Through their commands, and rules. I've become this walking corpse. I promise this is the last. I don't need any of this. I'm sorry for the pain i caused. I'm sorry i lead you on. But if you believe it being meant to be, then you're on my side. I'll come for that day. I promise you this.

All the right words. 

It's this bad right now.

                 When you least expect things to happen, that's when they do. Let it be good, or bad, it still happens as it wish.

                      I want to cry so hard right now, but i can't. Guess this is life. No one will come to help. And in this war, its you and the world. I miss you so much. But i know i just can't go back there. I want to blame you, but i know you're not the only one in fault. I wish things we'rent this way, and everything was easier. I wish my life didn't need no one to depend on, but now its just a lesson i need to learn. Over stressing myself with things i don't want to look at. It's such a pathetic life. Here i am, in my college computer lab, the same way i was, 5 years back, feeling lost with regrets in front of my computer. My faith is shaking. I need to know, so many things. And i know i can't never get the answers no matter how hard i search. Then there's you, and me. With problems unsolved. Words unspoken. And lies, you'd never admit. What did i do, right? It's stupid to think that once i almost believed in forever. That guy was right, it'll never last if it was not meant to be, yet i fought. Look where it brought me. Yes, i've neglected so many people. Yes, i feel like a worthless friend, but look at you. You never did that great yourself either. I admit i was being so reluctant, but you never tired. You never gave in the chance to yourself to believe that you we're once in that situation when i met you. I was always there, guess you never knew how to look. I miss it all. And i wish i could back into time, to change the mistakes i made. To start new. Not from where i am.

             P.s: You'll never know what i really meant.

Alone.

Can you imagine yourself, sitting in the computer lab, all alone, during your lunch beak, staring at the screen, feeling hungry, and you can't find one nice soul that would even want to be friends with you? It's exactly whats happening now. Tried. And still trying. I'm in the verge of giving up. And this is where i'm at. Blog. Why can't people be more sociable? I mean, what are you going to lose trying to even return a smile? It's misery. Especially when you know that at one point you were at a better place, and then you move, and made the wrong decision even when there were voices telling you not to. It's pathetic. To know that you were once at the same spot shining and feeling like a magnet, from your personality.. Hope this misery will find it's exit.

When the power takes control, even the word power doesn't have control of itself.

Suddenly you feel the world fail on you. And in actual fact, it wasn't the world, but the one thing that meant the world to you. It was a mistake, i admit. But i know you'll wait for me. I know that we're meant to be. Just because some ritual says we're not going to be the way we planned it, doesn't mean we have to stick to what's written. This thing i'm doing, its for something that means my life. And even if you are a part of it, i just feel like, a mistake with you can be erased, but a mistake with my world, will end my existence. I believe in destiny, and if we were destined to be together, i know we will meet along the corner where two worlds connect. Till then, i just need you to know that, this is temporary. Till you find yourself and i find truth. Je taime.

FML.

No. NO. NO. So when will i get a YES for an answer? Its my damn future you guys are playing with FYI.

Ooops!