Am i going through six degrees of seperation?

"Every stroke of paint, and every scratch of coal, never looked as perfect as what i drew of you.."

 

What the world doesn't know is that, being judgemental about people isn't the right way to help the confused one. Cause all they ever ask for is some words that will make them feel better, even if at that moment it's the wrong thing to say. If you really think you know someone, then why aren't you the better person yourself? The reason why we are all created differently is because somehow, someway, things are supposed to be that way so the puzzle fits in the end. It's been 5 months, if im not mistakened. It felt like hell, then it felt so numb, now, its just yearnings and questions. Even if they aren't about him, its about other things in life that came along with this solution. I won't ask why did you do this to me, because it happened. But i wanna ask, why can't i move on? I try, and i end up feeling like im never going to be ready to face someone, because the fear of losing another person kills me inside out. A crush? I won't deny, but even that drives me nuts.. You look at me like im the only thing that you wanna look at, you stare when im not looking, you smile like i mean the world to you, you just.. you just are you, but i keep feeling like all that you do are for me? Are they? The only thing that stops me from coming to you, and telling you what i might feel is, the fear of losing you entirely for a stupid judgemental idea that i had of what you did, which intentionally was normal. But... its not. Its not normal. Because you only do that to me. Me. Only me. Call me crazy, you are the reason why im here, with butterflies in my tummy, you. If i hadnt met you that day, if i didn't go with the things you did.. if i didn't catch you looking at me, if you weren't the nice, caring guy you are. If and only if. I just want to know, but how? And what if what i get to know isnt what i want to know? Bare with me, im confused.. But i just wish i had the answers, but then again.. what's the point of questions when the answer is always found before even having to say it. I'm using too many "buts".. Sigh, only time can answer my questions with no pain.. Nights yo.