Even though..

Hello dead blog. Well, you're not so dead. So, there's always a reason why i'm here. :) The weird feeling where you feel like the only way you can make someone believe you, is by asking them to watch you secretly, and not let you know, is hitting me now. : / I dont know if i said that right, but yeah. People tell me that i'm thinking too much. People tell me that maybe i'm just over-reacting. But i don't think im making myself feel this way.. The reason why i react this way, is because, half the time, what i say, are just words that make no sense. It sucks when the only person that can make you feel better is also the reason why you always cry.. Like, most of the time. :( No matter how busy you are, im sure you can spare that one minute that you sit and breathe for someone if you really wanted to. :( Being tired and everything is understandable, but reallyy. Not once. When you say sorry, you should really mean it and try not to have to say it again. Cause, what is the difference if "sorry" is what saves your ass everytime when you're wrong. I can't go through this with you being a thousand miles away from me. Fork this feeling gosh.

I'm still in love, but all i heard was nothing..

P.s: The difference between her and I? I would do anything for you & she would have done anything to you..

Mixed emotions.

If you needed me for that, then eff you. :) Cause, i'm tired of people like you. Thought you were nice. So good luck, goodbye.

<3

And you, i really do miss you, and i really wish you were here. Miss what we usually do on this date every month. Sucks so bad. And, you're always gone when i need you most.

ily.

P.s: My life, my problems. So say whatever, but this time, to my face. :) 

You're my it.

You've not even left, and i'm missing you,

what more when you leave?

"Wish you ddint have to.."

To be where i am..

:) Sometime, i think you know what i'm talking about, but you just act like you don't care. I mean, why is your ego so freaking big lol. Just accept it like, gosh! Okay, so i am here to tell myself that i got to do  certain things, for my sake, and.. theirs. So its me daddy's birthday today, and i got him a pretty card. :) it said, "little girls love their daddies, even when they're all grown up.." :) Heh. Yeahh, i do. Oh god, why am i so bored. Just wish i had a car, and a bag full of money to run free and do what i want to.. :( *sniffsniff* Christmas is around the corner and i just want to get the best of it before they leave, and before i finally decide what is the right thing to do.. for me, and the people around me. I never thought making a decision would be so hard. I don't wanna leave the country but, i think i want to, so i can be alone for awhile.. I don't wanna influence the ones around me to do the same as i. And, sometimes, its nicer to miss then actually, have it.. and soon get bored of it. Get what i mean? : / Life itself is weird. Cause, school was supposed to be hard, but this.. it beyond what most of us had imagined. Maybe its time..
love.

What are words if you really don't mean them when you say it..

So they say..

..now what?

...do i really need to consider this to make my decision..

Here i am, once again..

Trust. 

Hey bloggy. Okay, so i have accounts paper tomorrow. :( And Literature. With all this in my head, i have another worry. What is it that i don't understand. Never blogged for a long time and this is going to be one hell of a sad post. Letting go is one thing. But giving a second chance takes a lot of courage. And in this case, i guess i did. And i know why i did that. But now, i'm feeling things i'm not supposed to be. But then again, i asked for this.. And i should let it be, and give it a chance. If you didn't know, its something hard to accept. But i'm facing it because i think we share mutual feelings. I want you to know that its going to take me some time to adapt this situation. Cause, i don't know what my reaction should be. I want to trust you but you didn't leave me with a choice. :( I'm trying as much as you are to make it work, to make this feeling go away. Just that, i feel that, in someway, you'd be doing something behind my back.. and i'll never find out. Trust. I had it, now i don't know how to gain it.. I'm not making things worse. But, what the hell, you already know how i feel. And i know you're working for it too. So we'll see where it goes.. Asking for someone to trust you is hard, but doing something that will make them trust you is the way to gain someone's trust. And i know that you're doing what you should be. I want all the things you said you wanted from her. I'm standing exactly where you stood with her.. maybe now you'd know how i feel. Like you said, trust is like a paper, once its crumpled, it takes a long process to fix its shape..

P.s: You should know how much i love you, cause i'm letting myself go through this shit. : / Ily. 

Welcome to my life..

Its something i need to know. What the fuck do you want from me? I mean, live your own life. Stop ruining mine. I know what i do, and i don't need you to be the judge of it. If i am your fucking problem, come to my face, and tell me off.. and i will give you a peice of my mind too. Life is something you make it, if its not yours, then back off. I will live mine the way i want to, but sadly, at this point, i guess i will need to count your says in too. In future, i wont be there to listen to your crap. To say this, i really think that you've got the best of me. I think by doing this, you just hurting him even more. Yeah, he might hate me for writing this, but really, think. If it wasnt for me, he'd be far gone doing something that, - is doing. I happened to him for a reason, and if you think its for the worse, then im sorry for not giving you the best inpression cause you never let me. I did what i could, but you didnt play your part. I'm sorry if you feel like i took him away from you, but wake up, i'm 17.. the most i can do is talk to him behind your back. I tried, now im giving up. I've heard the same dialougue far too many times. I'll give you what you want. And you'll see for yourself.

P.s: Ireallyloveyou.