Then again, someone comes, and tells me that i'm crazy.

After a while, you'll learn the difference between holding a hand and falling in love. You'll learn that kisses don't always mean something. Promises can be broken just as easily as they were made.

And as hard as it is to believe, sometimes goodbyes are meant forever.

♥

Why am i always here?

The littlest things that makes people happy. :)

I took the road to Singapore with Vee, and had a hell of a great time, and well did manage to get my paperwork for "education" done. It was a long journey cause i took a bus there alone, but it was worth it. I travelled 4 hours, along the green roads and had a long time to think things over. The green view made me realise what i was missing out on. Life isn't just about having someone, or having to do something to please you. But its the experience. Sometimes people just do things for the sake of fitting into the "jungle" they live in, and maybe i did that too. Along the way, i realised that, everything i do, is to please everyone and everything around me, but me. I never knew why i did that, cause, i don't see what i get from doing all that i have. I just wanna be able to say no to something i don't agree to. Say that i just don't want to do it, when i don't want to. I just want to get out of this situation of always doing something cause, i think that they'd expect me to do that. Sick and tired of being a puppet. It's not who i am, and i know i keep getting myself hurt by going on with it. Life is so much more then all "that". Family comes first, and then comes my best friend and my soul-sister. Not to sound like I'm the best person in this world, i just know there is this one person is whom I'll never give up in life, no matter what shit we are put through. Someone that would give up anything to just keep me happy. No matter how much it'll hurt, to tell me that I'm wrong and I'm supposed to do this something right. If you think that its easy to fit in the spot, then you're it. But i just want you to know that, it will take you a lot to take over that place, cause, there never is a spot with that space. You can just be what you want to be, and i wouldn't bother you. But someday you'll realise that you're too late, cause you can say that i mean this and that, i cry and weep, but you'll never be able to do it. Cause that's the difference between me and you. I put the world on hold, but you just put me on hold for the world that keeps you on hold. Wake up, cause i tried everything. I guess i just have to wait for you to watch the scenes of, "I'm too late". This is one long post after forever. Everything was supposed to be better, now I'm surprised. I'm just scared that I'm going to be "wrong" again, like how i always am. Words are just words, unless you put them to action. Dig that fucking hole you buried. I'm done. All i care about is my future, and what my instincts say. I just don't want to be that shadow that's stepped on. I'm going to be me, and see if you can handle that. Then again for what I've been through, you should go through that, and maybe then you'd know how much this actually can hurt. I just want my life back, i don't want to go back to the spot where i was. I just need to find myself, and i think, maybe i just did. I love my grandpa, and now, i have another. A whole family that accepted me in a second after seeing my face. It's something not everyone can, and is willing to do. I'm lucky, and these are the things that i should care about. Not getting hurt, and crying all night long. Life is a long road, but what comes along the road, is just little things that you take, if you wish to. Leave it, if it adds on to the weight. So many other things that i should care about, and for someone who doesnt know that this part of me exists, you don't deserve any of me. Adios.

Little things..

I want you to hug me from behind, unexpectedly.

I want you to give me your hoodie when I`m cold.

I want you to hold me and keep me warm.

I want you to cuddle with me and watch movies together.

I want you to kiss me in the rain.

I want you to hold my hands and play with my fingers.

I want you to play with my hair.

I want you to take amazing photos with me.

I want you to come to my house and meet my family.

I want you to lay on my bed with me and just hold me.

I want you to let me dress you up and make you look silly.

I want you to watch sunrise with me.

I want you to give me piggy back rides daily.

I want you to kiss my nose.

I want you to wipe my tears away.

I want you to tell me that you miss me already even if we were together five minutes ago.

I want you to drop everything and hug me tight.

I want you to take me on a picnic.

I want you to snuggle with me in the movie theaters.

I want you to squeeze me as hard as you can when you hug me.

I want you to smile every single time you see me.

I want you to talk to me, when i ask you not to.

I want you to say i love you, when i say i hate you.

I want you to know how much I love you.

I just want you.

P.s: I just want you to know, that when i say things, i really do mean it.



Cause there'll be no sunlight..

It pushed me through the misery knowing that something great waits for me at the end of the road. Imagine a glass is what you are, and you're walking all the way to the finishing end, and someone throws a rock at you, its like there was no use for you to have come that far, when the whole reason why you were walking the road was shattered into pieces? This is what life is. Things happen, and you just have to deal with it, i guess. Cause i know, that this is not the end. I know what pain is, but i'll strive to get what i deserve. I will.

I hate this right now, and i wish i had you beside me to get me through this misery, but i guess its just wishful thinking. I guess no one is to be blamed for this, but its truly unfair.

Missed you too much already. I just wish i could walk away from this. 

I give up.